He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
