My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
