It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
