i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
