I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
