Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
