that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
