This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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