All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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