I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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