Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
