Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
