He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize