i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
