Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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