I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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