Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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