he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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