do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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