I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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