i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize