i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
