I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
