My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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