Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
