whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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