It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
