I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
