No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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