whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
