There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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