I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
