HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
