I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
