is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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