BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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