she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
