it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my liver is dry heaving
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
