he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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