I wish I could teleport
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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