Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
