He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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