So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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