So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
