I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
