i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
