this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
