i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
