clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
