She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
