We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ambien. No doubt about it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
