remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
