East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
