Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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