I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
