How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
