I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
