What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize