There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
