so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
