Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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