She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just gargled with NyQuil
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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