Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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