So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
